The truth is…we lie.

I think I speak for most parents when I say we are pretty damn near perfect! I mean, who are we kidding here? If we do lie, it is completely for your own good and protection… or is it?

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Okay, so the truth is we do tell white lies to our children in hopes to prolong the innocence they possess and to encourage make-believe and fairy-tales. White lies about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and that minions and oompa loompas totally exist in a world of chocolate covered scientific laboratories. Or, that one day prince charming will ride up on a white horse (or black if you prefer), sweep you up and all your worries will wash drown the drain, along side some calgon…and maybe a glass of wine, when you are thirty and still living at home playing with barbies, because you will be mommy’s sweet baby princess forever...for-ev-er! Oh wait, I got swooped up in those white lies again, dang it!

The truth is we flat out tell “whoppers” and sometimes it is for our own humor and selfishness. What are we going to do when our children get old enough to know better? I am lucky in that my daughter being two years older than her brother – helps with cover-ups. Wait, that sounds bad…but it is true.

In my jewelry box you will find an assortment of items, not just jewelry. In this particular case, my son was looking for something, and pulled out a small plastic baggy filled with baby teeth. As soon as I saw him holding them, I couldn’t move…and when I heard him ask “Mom are these my teeth?” I couldn’t mutter a sound. I just stood there thinking to myself, CRAP! Now, what? and looked at him. Then, my daughter swoops in and saves the day with a whopper all of her own “No, Gage, those are moms teeth from when she was little, but she probably has yours somewhere, cause you can buy them back from the tooth fairy – for memories!” Breathing now and able to speak again, I laughed and completely lied through my teeth and the bag of the teeth she was holding, and said “Yep, what your sister said!” Should I be worried or proud that she came up with that on her own? I don’t know, but while I ponder that thought here are some whoppers, white lies and fibs that parents use to get us through, and the truths that lie behind them.

Lie: When you get grounded it hurts us more.
Truth: We enjoy the quiet, and getting to watch what we want on tv.

Lie: The ice cream is all gone.
Truth: It is just cleverly hidden in another container in the freezer.

Lie: You can get pregnant from kissing or sitting in the hot tub with a boy.
Truth: We’re not stupid!

Lie: Eating veggies will put hair on your chest.
Truth: We have no idea if you will ever get hair on your chest.

Lie: The tooth fairy is off on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
Truth: Mom or Dad either forgot, didn’t have ones or they get paid on Wednesdays and Fridays.

Lie: God emails me every day, I can just go check my inbox.
Truth: I am digging for answers and hope you still fear God and will tell me the truth.

Lie: If you keep making that face it will freeze like that.
Truth: It won’t.

Lie: Boy have cooties
Truth: Scientifically, girls actually have cooties.

Lie: The park is closed
Truth: We’re tired.

Lie: “Mom, what are you eating?” Answer “diet chocolate”
Truth: It’s not diet and I am not sharing.

Lie: Maybe, We will see.
Truth: I mean no, but I’m avoiding a melt down wherever we’re at currently!

Lie: If you swallow Watermelon seeds, they will grow in your tummy.
Truth: You are gonna poop watermelons. Oh wait, that’s another lie.

The truth is, that most of these are harmless and funny – which is good because I get in enough hot water for the amount of honesty and over indulging information I do share with my children. A good white lie, may be just what the kids may need these days. What are some whoppers you tell your children?

For more stories from Jessica, check out her blog at https://totallyjessifiable.wordpress.com

Loving yourself – Invites Love in.

Yesterday after sharing my feelings about a certain someone special to my friend, she wrote me something that really made me think.

She wrote : “You are an inspiration Jessica. I love how you may have had ups and downs, but you aren’t afraid to continue to love! I am more than happy for you and kiss enough frogs you are bound to find a prince.”

Instantly I thought, wait – out of everything why the hell am I not afraid to love? I am afraid to get hurt, to be left, to be cheated on – but I am not afraid to love which invites all those fears in… That makes no sense. How is my heart not hardened, bitter, and broken to all things that even remotely involve a connection with another person? Then I thought… did I really maybe kiss my last frog – could he be the prince? The fairy-tale hope never dies, does it?

Loving someone, although a risk is also a very freeing feeling – to give so much of yourself without a second thought, in hopes someone will return the love and see within you all the things you already know exist. On my way home yesterday I was thinking this over, which is something I love to do – to rehash, over think and analyze myself constantly and become my own worse critic. However, I realized that letting someone in, starting over with someone new forces you to fall in love with yourself and get to know yourself all over again.

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When you are in a relationship that has in many ways caused the loss of who you are, that has drained the existence of simple happiness, it is easy to fall into that hole that makes you think that you are worthless. Even worse when you are left – because we think to ourselves if I was worthy of love, he wouldn’t have left me. If I was beautiful, he wouldn’t have chosen her, if I could just show him I can be more, be better, he will come back. However, day after day, more and more you realize that is not the truth and not want you want. In fact, because you are worthy of love and happiness – he is gone – because he wasn’t worthy of your love.

A friend of mine told me once, “Be careful what you fight for, because one day you might wake up and realize it isn’t anything you really want anymore.”

She was right then, and it rings true now. Maybe that is why I am not afraid to love, because I know myself, what I have to offer, my heart and my desires. We all make mistakes, choices that we may regret, and we can talk ourselves out of anything and everything. Trust me, I am the best at all of these – but I have never successfully talked myself out of loving.

At the end of the day, I believe that if you love yourself enough, the fear to love dissipates. After all, a life without loving – is not worth living, and I want to love.

I’m me and that’s perfect.

There have been people who judged me and walked away. There have been people who didn’t care to listen to what I had to say.

So…here’s to the people who didn’t like in me high school. To the friends I had before I got divorced. And to the others who lack any decency or remorse

In the Past Year

There have been friends that chose sides.
Friends that erased me from their lives.

There have been some who used my life as a new topic.

Who enjoyed my heartache and failures making them public.

There have been women talking about me in sewing circles.

And..girls..taking my leftovers and trying to make full meals.

There has been a man who forgave me, leaving the past in the past.

Who promised me friendship, regardless of others views, that won’t last.

There has been a Mother who tried to destroy me, telling many I was dead.

And a Son, that used me up and left me questioning what all was said.

There have been jobs lost, money completely drained.

There has been bruises, anger, frustration and pain.

Ive had people attack me and hit below the belt.

I’ve been called fatty, ugly, childish remarks that leave a welt.

I’ve been harassed, cheated and lied about.

My sincerity, parenting and logic have been questioned with doubt.

I’ve spent days in bed asking God to please take me away and end this.

I’ve apologized, and accepted my punishments.

I’ve asked for forgiveness and tried to right all my wrongs.

But, none of you cared how it felt for me all along.

“How could she do that, and just walk away”

“He didn’t deserve that, he needs to make her pay”

“Oh wait, now their friends, how is that even possible?”

Because, my mistakes make the person I am, Remarkable.

The truth is real simple, this last year doesn’t define me.

Speak what you want, hiding behind judgment and misery.

Acceptance and friendship from you is not something I desire or need.

But, when your life falls apart, judgment from me, you’ll never see.

Because I know how it feels to have no private life.

I know how it feels to have failed as a wife.

I’ve watched my children suffer and cry because of me.

What more pain do you think I need to feel and see?

At the end of the day none of you truly matter.

Eventually the pain will diminish from your chatter.

On the day your world becomes broken and unkind.

I hope the shoes you fill, make you see how it felt to walk in mine.

My life is mine to live how I wish, and that is what I have done.

I’ve never in my life pretended to be anything or anyone.

I’m proud of who I am, the lessons Ive learned and how I feel.

Because at the end of the day, I am the one who is being real.