Last night my daughter came face to face in the highschool parking lot with the man who once hung the moon, and who no longer does. She could have rightfully walked by him without acknowledging him. She could have spoken to him the exact way he last spoke to her, which was awful. She could [...]
Because here is the thing, right now you are letting them down, not your ex. In a matter of years that will fly by like seconds, there will be weddings, children and life events - and it will be you let down when the invites are no longer extended. It will be you alone without a choice because you chose anything and everything except your children. All you have to do is show up. It really is that easy.
Let me tell you something – biological or otherwise, if you are a good mother/father, your title will never matter or require clarification. Being a biological parent doesn’t exalt authority over another parent except in cases of the law, and even then only if acting in the best interest of the child – when the parent can’t manage it on their own. The title or biology of a parent doesn’t make someone a parent anymore than standing in a garage makes them a car.
Being divorced again rocked me to my core. All I wanted was a family and it caused me to hide from God, I was humiliated and shameful. It would take me some time before I realized that I didn't need to hide what he already knew. Divorce to some is not a big deal. Being divorced again rocked me to my core. All I wanted was a family and it caused me to hide from God, I was humiliated and shameful. It would take me some time before I realized that I didn't need to hide what he already knew. Divorce to some is not a big deal.
The love of a lifetime is worth at least a million tries. I still believe this. Now, let me preface this with saying, no, I don’t think he loved me enough for the both of us or that I think someone has the capability of loving us back to normal. But what I am saying is that while I was learning what real love was and commitment meant, what it entailed, and the seriousness of my vows made to him – I also saw the person in myself that he was choosing to love each day.
Did I feel like a jerk and a failure on the days when I couldn't hang with the super stepmoms? Sure. But you can't base your days or family dynamics on other blended families or stepparents. It's okay to not have it figured out, it's the quitting that's bad. You have to ask yourself why God has put you where you are and how you can be used for good. There is a purpose to his plan, and you are more than capable.
Co-parenting with a narcissist is like being the tin man from the wizard of oz, having motion sickness, on the downward spiral of a roller coaster, with a loose harness, after eating ice cream and 5 corn dogs - doing the tango with a peg leg and an eye patch all the while sewing back together and re-stuffing down feathered pillows your dog chewed up and scattered throughout the back forty - it's freaking difficult!!