Every year just before Christmas, my husband’s grandma would call him and invite us to the family breakfast at our local Elmer’s restaurant. “Matthew, this is Grandma”, she’d say, and he would respond by saying, “Yes Grandma, I know it is you, it says your name in my phone” and they would share a laugh.
Did I feel like a jerk and a failure on the days when I couldn't hang with the super stepmoms? Sure. But you can't base your days or family dynamics on other blended families or stepparents. It's okay to not have it figured out, it's the quitting that's bad. You have to ask yourself why God has put you where you are and how you can be used for good. There is a purpose to his plan, and you are more than capable.
She said "Will you go up there with me?" and I of course said yes. I said yes, because well I am in church, and what kind of a Christian would I be, if I said no?! I wanted to do what God would do, and because she needed my help. She asked me my name, and I told her, and she smiled as if she already knew and was confirming that she had the right person.
The honest and good men, they exist, and I didn't have to settle, I didn't have to allow him to hurt me to feel loved temporarily, or chase him for attention, affection, or temporary stability. He chose to stay, he chose to be kind, to be considerate, to listen, to communicate and to love me for me - even when I feel like I don’t deserve it. And, he makes that choice every day, because he chooses to.
If I am being honest with myself, I knew when he asked to call me mom, my answer was not coming from a kind and loving place. I knew I was coming from a "you already have a mom, and you are her responsibility, not mine" type of place. And, a place of "you are too much "work" for me."
Co-parenting with a narcissist is like being the tin man from the wizard of oz, having motion sickness, on the downward spiral of a roller coaster, with a loose harness, after eating ice cream and 5 corn dogs - doing the tango with a peg leg and an eye patch all the while sewing back together and re-stuffing down feathered pillows your dog chewed up and scattered throughout the back forty - it's freaking difficult!!
I see you on YouTube figuring out how to fix your cars, your appliances, and reading empowerment quotes to boost yourself. You are TOUGH. You show the world you got this. But, in your free “few” minutes when you take a shower, you cry, you crumble, and you are not feeling so tough.
It’s time to be real. To be honest. To lay it bare. Fear. Shame. We all have it and shy away from anyone who may hurt us by exposing us. The people in our life can be split in half right down the middle by two types; those who love us anyway and those who... Continue Reading →