Do you ever struggle with wanting to be real and wanting to be healed? Sometimes I do. Even though I realize the two go hand in hand. I used to shy away at times with being raw and revealing a tattered version of myself because in those moments of transparency and vulnerability – I show [...]
We all talk about how Jesus ate with sinners, yet we choose which sinners we invite to our tables. We categorize the sins that are common to our own because those are more comfortable. We are all actively sinning each day. If not out of our mouths, then in our thoughts and our hearts. Yes, even you and me.
I want to be like the Samaritan woman. I want to drop my water buckets, run into town and tell the world about the man who went out of his way, in the heat of the day, meeting me at my lowest and chose me intentionally. A man who knew my whole story, and chose to cover me in compassion and grace. We deserve to be alive in and known for our transformation instead of our sin, for what we did AFTER, and who we BECAME. You deserve that too. So, go ahead and drop your buckets, cancel the well visits, find some shade and a few good people who love you first for all you are and all you are not. Allow God to use your story, to use your heart and shed a light to others around you that shame doesn't live here anymore.
Healing as an adult is ridiculously hard. It requires bravery, brutal and almost blunt-force honesty and it can leave you completely depleted. Especially on the days that sneak up out of nowhere and smack you right in the face. A broken heart, a broken soul or even a broken human can still hold an enormous amount of vitality because broken means open. And, open provides a means of escape for pain and an entrance for hope. Just because it is hard for you to heal does not mean you're hard to love.
Any revision that would alter my children or my husband being mine was off limits! However, I'd be lying if my mind didn't wander with other events or even some rather questionable choices. So, I began to play around with some tweaks here and there of what I would do just a little differently. Here's what I came up with in absolutely no order of sense or occurrence; I would hurt fewer people. I would not put the edible underwear in the freezer, in plain sight, by the ice cream with young children in the house. (I know!)