I’m me and that’s perfect.

There have been people who judged me and walked away. There have been people who didn’t care to listen to what I had to say.

So…here’s to the people who didn’t like in me high school. To the friends I had before I got divorced. And to the others who lack any decency or remorse

In the Past Year

There have been friends that chose sides.
Friends that erased me from their lives.

There have been some who used my life as a new topic.

Who enjoyed my heartache and failures making them public.

There have been women talking about me in sewing circles.

And..girls..taking my leftovers and trying to make full meals.

There has been a man who forgave me, leaving the past in the past.

Who promised me friendship, regardless of others views, that won’t last.

There has been a Mother who tried to destroy me, telling many I was dead.

And a Son, that used me up and left me questioning what all was said.

There have been jobs lost, money completely drained.

There has been bruises, anger, frustration and pain.

Ive had people attack me and hit below the belt.

I’ve been called fatty, ugly, childish remarks that leave a welt.

I’ve been harassed, cheated and lied about.

My sincerity, parenting and logic have been questioned with doubt.

I’ve spent days in bed asking God to please take me away and end this.

I’ve apologized, and accepted my punishments.

I’ve asked for forgiveness and tried to right all my wrongs.

But, none of you cared how it felt for me all along.

“How could she do that, and just walk away”

“He didn’t deserve that, he needs to make her pay”

“Oh wait, now their friends, how is that even possible?”

Because, my mistakes make the person I am, Remarkable.

The truth is real simple, this last year doesn’t define me.

Speak what you want, hiding behind judgment and misery.

Acceptance and friendship from you is not something I desire or need.

But, when your life falls apart, judgment from me, you’ll never see.

Because I know how it feels to have no private life.

I know how it feels to have failed as a wife.

I’ve watched my children suffer and cry because of me.

What more pain do you think I need to feel and see?

At the end of the day none of you truly matter.

Eventually the pain will diminish from your chatter.

On the day your world becomes broken and unkind.

I hope the shoes you fill, make you see how it felt to walk in mine.

My life is mine to live how I wish, and that is what I have done.

I’ve never in my life pretended to be anything or anyone.

I’m proud of who I am, the lessons Ive learned and how I feel.

Because at the end of the day, I am the one who is being real.

I….I…am blessed

I’ve followed my heart, I’ve created my own path and I did it all for myself. I’ve failed, I’ve fallen and I did it in front of the world. I got back up, I learned from my mistakes, and I became a better person. I redefined my priorities, I fell deeper in love with my children and myself. I ended relationships and friendships, only to build new ones, or to allow for them to build new ones. I’ve never been the girl that does what she is told, I don’t sit back and watch and wait and see. I’ve allowed myself to feel, to love, to laugh and cry. I’ve dealt with loss, and goodbyes I never planned on, but am thankful for both.

I’ve learned I have alot of learning left to do, alot of mistakes to make still, and Im ready for whatever comes my way. I’m okay with people not understanding me, or thinking I do things wrong. I am okay with building my own path, my own way, because I am me, and thats who I plan to stay.

I’m thankful for my children, the ones I gave birth to, and the one that I get the pleasure of loving as if I did. I ‘m thankful for my daughters infectious personality, her smile and laughter that light up a room and the way she allows me to feel like the best mother in the world. And for, my son, who’s eyes light up my entire existence and wakes up my soul. My children are the greatest gifts and if i all I do in life is be their mother, I will be completely satisfied. I’m thankful for our home, which is modest but filled with fun, laughter and so much love.

I’m thankful for my husband, for his unorthodox approach to life, his dedication to family and his unwaivering ability to love me regardless. Im thankful for his family who has accepted us, my children, me with all my flaws, with open non-judgmental arms.

There isn’t a gift I would or could want, because God has blessed me with an amazing end to a year that could have ended so differently. My life is perfectly imperfect with a perfectly imperfect love, and I wouldnt want it any other way.