Empty me of me, and fill me with you; I got baptized.

As we were turning into the church this morning I prayed aloud in the car, “Dear God please let this be a good service” because sometimes the message just doesn’t hit us the way it’s intended, you know? I needed a good message today, because I crave the holy spirit and thrive on the word hitting me in just a way that invigorates and encourages my soul to keep fighting.

God knew what I needed, as he always does.

Today is the last Sunday of my thirties. It’s the end of a decade which I began lost, angry and hurting. In the midst of heartbreak & failures, when everything was falling apart, and everyone was walking away – I was still so richly blessed. I know that was God. This decade is also when I found myself, forgave those who hurt me, became a better person, a better mother, the wife I always wanted to be and re-dedicated my life to Jesus.

In January, God spoke to me very clearly and the holy spirit filled me with a desire for God that I can’t fully explain. At first, I thought I was losing my mind and I was in a state of immense joy and excitement. I actually contemplated that maybe I was Bi-Polar, coming from such lows at times to this new high, felt unreal! That’s how intense this was. During my morning commute to work shortly after – it hit me that what I was feeling was salvation. As I sat in my car with tears streaming, asking forgiveness for every sin I could remember one by one, he reminded me that was unnecessary. I was forgiven as a whole. In that moment I felt an actual physical and emotional shift and a release that changed my life.

When we walked into church today, the baptismal tub was by the stage. As we found our seats, I told Gracie, “if they are doing baptisms today, I’m doing it.” I’ve been wanting to be baptized for months now and signed up once only to back out. Baptism is a public declaration of a very private relationship, and the thought of standing in front of strangers felt uncomfortable and honestly I felt unworthy of their time and attention.

Today was different. Today, I knew what God was doing, I knew this was the “service and message” I needed to experience in order to thrive in this new life with God as the head of my table. Being baptized was about Jesus and I, not anyone else, although I understood that it was an open request for those who witnessed to hold me accountable in my future as a christ follower. I was choosing to dedicate myself to him and I finally wanted everyone in the room to know I was proud and confident in my decision and acceptance of his love and forgiveness.

Thanks to my cousin, BJ, Kayla and our Pastor, I got baptized today without notice, without any planning or even a change of clothes. It was perfect. A little cold, but still perfect. I can’t imagine a better way to welcome 40 and the beginning of a new decade than to be emptied of the dead weight of the old me, and filled with the holy spirit, a new heart, a new name and cleansed soul.

Published by

Totally Jessifiable

Raised in the South, St. Mary’s GA – Go Dawgs! Living in the Northwest raising three, never boring teenagers, and embarrassing them as often as possible with my favorite man in the world. My writing will take you to the trenches, to where foundation has crumbled beneath my feet and I'm too weak to stand, yet strong enough to kneel. It will make you feel as though you are sitting beside me in moments of redemption with Jesus too. My life is not a fairytale, but I still believe in them and there are moments when love can shatter any heart of stone. It's my choice to share my stories, but its Gods purpose to have me share it. It needs to be known that you can struggle, battle, fail and go through hell, yet come up and out of those trenches as a warrior with a beautiful redemption story. I do my best to write with poise and gut-busting grace so its an adventure. Being blunt as all get out, saying it exactly how it is, saves everyone time. You’ll learn to love and appreciate me, and if not – that’s cool too. I’m a “go big or go home” kind of gal and nothing I do is ever half-hearted or under thought.

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