It would make me feel better if the only successful writers were over 40, because that’s when the kids are grown and gone. My life has consisted of my children and my dream, there has only been one dream and it has never died – its a nagging reminder that everyday I fail. Looking around me I see mothers of twins, mothers that home-school, stay at home moms and so on, all writing, all managing to figure it out. Can someone please tell me why I am the only one unable to do this? What mistake am I making? Do these moms not have bills to pay, inquisitive children, husbands that need them and a house to clean?
It almost frustrates me to the point of saying – forget it! This is pointless. Blogging isn’t easy – its time consuming and thought provoking. Sure I can blog out some crap about why the sky is blue and how my child cant say his L’s very well – but really, who wants to hear that? It wouldn’t and doesn’t make me read other blogs about those topics. I try to make what I write about something, to have a point, to interact, reach out and touch someone – to make them feel like they aren’t alone in the crazy world of being so many things to so many people. I am only one person – and this person is…is… see i don’t even know!
Being a wife and mother is my greatest accomplishment and joy. However, being a wife and mom sucks sometimes – I am not even going to lie. My husband can irritate the shit out of me, and push every wrong button in a ten second time frame, easily. He is not unlike any other husband I am sure – they all have that miracle in a bottle ready to spray and shoot just when it will piss you off the most.
My husband and I are so much alike that we butt heads, and the thrill of being right, or more intelligent (which is always me) is always at the surface. Just like last night – our grass is brown – well, brown with little hopeful patches of green. In the attempt to now after – oh I don’t know – Three Months of SUMMER – my husband has decided it is time to rejuvenate it. His way of doing this is of course to turn the water on for 2 hours twice a day! My thoughts – there goes our water bill, and what a waste, it will rain in a month for how many months – the grass will come back on its own for FREE! But, he is the man – therefore he knows all. The clincher of this wonderful evening of sprinkler fun is that the sprinklers are set to the front door – so the kids think its fun and exciting to time it and make a run for it, I do not. In fact, I will not are you kidding me?? Turn off the freaking sprinklers and let me walk into the home without getting soaked or making a mad dash for it, especially when its been on for a freaking hour and a half already – COME ON! My head hurts…
My children, wonderful, smart, loving children – are crazy. They are loud, often talking for no reason at all, accept to hear the sound of their voice. Thanks to Netflix and the series “Make it or Break It” (which for those of you who aren’t familiar with it, its about gymnastics) my front room is now a gym – where sideways tumbling, cartwheels gone mad and all furniture is arranged to accommodate their rendition of the Olympics. With the beauty and intelligence my daughter possesses – its insane to me the poor girl can’t do a cartwheel to save her life- makes her namesake fitting since her name is Grace. On the other hand Mr. Man my 7 year old can do it all – I just pray he doesn’t come out in a leotard – my husband would have a fit!
The kids know when I am doing three things: Working on the computer, Going to the bathroom, Focusing – they see this and I swear they go into a bedroom and devise a plan to hack in and invade! Actually – now that I think of it, I think my husband is on it to. In our home mommy potty time has somehow turned into family meeting time, one kid will come in with a question, which is followed by my daughter who at that time desperately needs to fix or do her hair, and then my husband who will come in and tell them all to give mom some privacy only to prop one butt cheek on the counter and start chatting. I’m screwed-
Somewhere between all this madness, school, homework (which lord don’t even get me started) dinner, football practice & softball practice I’m given how much writing time exactly?? But, my husband is always quick with “well write your book already!” ughhh – am I letting him down to? Every night while I am at my sons football practice – the laptop is my best friend. I sit back from the other moms – and try to write or fit in some research and they all look at me like – why can’t I leave my work at home – and some days I care and sometimes I don’t – but still hate the stares and the anti-Facebook moms of the world – ehh who cares!
Like any other person with a dream I set goals, this week was to get my Facebook page noticed by more people, get more people involved etc. Except I don’t want likes – because its a contest to see who gets the most. That’s fake to me – like my page because its of worth to you in some manner – not because someone told you to, and your just going to hide it in your feed any how! So, I work – I try to get information out there, try to be supportive to the women and sometimes men that come needing or wanting help. Then when I log on and see a page that is sky rocketing in likes because all these others pages are “pimping” them out – I think, “damn- guess I don’t have what it takes”! What is it that those pages have that all the other pages like so much, why when they are doing the pimping section of the week, isn’t my page in it? Then – I think – my page is different then just any ole page – this is what I want to do with my life. This is serious – and real. Those pages maybe aren’t – maybe they are just fun for them? Who knows- Sometimes life just is hard – sometimes things don’t make sense and sometimes people aren’t gonna like ya – and there isn’t anything you can do about it – but move on & forward!
See you next blog – Jess